Miscellaneous 2

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Send me your pictures - old or new! We'd love to see them!

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Miscellaneous 2

Check out this fun site:

http://www.billsretroworld.com/RETROLIFE.HTM

Ice Fishing

Obama & McCain Ice Fishing!

The Presidential election was too close to call. Neither the Republican candidate nor the Democratic candidate had enough votes to win. There was much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but a week-long ice fishing competition seemed the sportsmanlike way to settle things. The candidate that caught the most fish at the end of the week would win the election.

After much of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest take place on a remote frozen lake in northern Minnesota

There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this isolated lake and return at 5 P.M. with their catch for counting and verification by a team of neutral parties. At the end of the first day, John McCain returned to the starting line and he had ten fish.

Soon, Obama returned and had no fish. Well, everyone assumed he was just having another 'bad hair' day or something and hopefully, he would catch up the next day.

At the end of the 2nd day John McCain came in with 20 fish and Obama came in again with none.

That evening, Harry Reid got together secretly with Obama and said, 'Obama, I think John McCain is a low-life, cheating son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don't even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see just how he is cheating.'

The next night (after John McCain returns with 50 fish), Harry Reid said to Obama, 'Well, tell me, how is he cheating?'

Obama replied, 'Harry, you're not going to believe this, but he's cutting holes in the ice.'

Experience Counts

Subject: Mergers that be Hot Investment tips for 2008-09

Because of all the money woes happening this year, a lot of
companies are looking to merge with other companies so that they can
survive.

Here are some investment tips for 2008-09 for all of you with any money left, be aware of the next
expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks.

Watch for these consolidations in 2008-09.

1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R.
     Grace Co. Will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace..

2. PolyGram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and
     become: Poly, Warner Cracker.

3. 3M will merge with Goodyear and become: MMMGood.

4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will
    merge and become: ZipAudiDoDa

5. FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become:   FedUP.

6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become:   Fairwell Honeychild.

7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become:   PouponPants..

8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become:   Knott NOW!

And finally

9. Victoria 's Secret and Smith &Wesson will merge under the new name:   TittyTittyBang Bang

The Coach

At one point during a game, the coach called
one of his 9-year-old
baseball players aside and asked, 'Do you
understand what cooperation
is? What a team is?'

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

'Do you understand that what matters is whether
we win or lose together
as a team?'

The little boy nodded yes.

'So,' the coach continued, 'I'm sure you know,
when an out is called,
you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire,
or call him a
pecker-head. Do you understand all that?'

Again the little boy nodded.

He continued, 'And when I take you out of the
game so another boy gets a
chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to
call your coach a dumb
asshole is it?'

Again the little boy nodded.

'Good,' said the coach. 'Now go over there and
explain all that to your
grandmother.'

Bad day at Hallmark

Ever wondered what happens when Hallmark writers

are having a bad day???

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat

When I looked at the tire...

I noticed your cat.

Sorry!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it....

She moved in with me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Looking back over the years

that we've been together,

I can't help but wonder...

'What the hell was I thinking?'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Congratulations on your wedding day!

Too bad no one likes your husband.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How could two people as beautiful as you

Have such an ugly baby?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've always wanted to have
someone to hold,

someone to love.

After having met you ..

I've changed my mind.

-------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------

I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.

I never believed in Hell until I met you.

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...

That you're not here to ruin it for me.

####################################################

Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?

You'll probably need it again.

********************************************************************************

Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Tennessee , Kentucky & West Virginia )

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Happy birthday! You look great for your age.

Almost Lifelike!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,

I think it's time you kept your promise.

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

We have been friends for a very long time ..

let's say we stop?

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I'm so miserable without you

it's almost like you're here.

=====================================================

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was?

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Your friends and I wanted to do

something special for your birthday.

So we're having you put to sleep.

))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side,

it's really good pay

Three Men on a Hike

Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large
raging, Violent river. Needing to get to the other side, the first
man
prayed:

'God, please give me the strength to cross the river.'

Poof! .. God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to
swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.

After witnessing that, the second man prayed: 'God, please give me
strength and the tools to cross the river'

Poof! .. God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and
he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing
once.

Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed:
'God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to
cross the river'

Poof! .. He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one
hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.

http://videos.komando.com/2008/06/26/christian-the-lion/