Miscellaneous

(thanks to Karen Whisnant for sending this!)

Class Reunion Time

Every ten years, as summertime nears,
An announcement arrives in the mail.
A reunion is planned, it'll be really grand,
Make plans to attend without fail.

I'll never forget, the time we first met,
We tried so hard to impress.
We drove fancy cars, smoked big cigars,
And wore our most elegant dress.

It was quite an affair; the whole class was there,
It was held at a fancy hotel.
We wined and we dined, and we acted refined,
And everyone thought it was swell.

The men all conversed about who had been first,
To achieve great fortune and fame.
Meanwhile their spouses, described their fine houses,
And how beautiful their children became.

The homecoming queen, who once had been lean,
Now weighed-in at one ninety-six.
The jocks who were there, had all lost their hair,
And the cheerleaders could no longer do kicks.

No one had heard about the class nerd
Who'd guided a craft to the moon,
Or poor littl e Jane, who'd always been plain,
She married a shipping tycoon.

The boy we'd decreed "most apt to succeed"
Was serving ten years in the pen,
While the one voted "least," now was a priest,
Just shows you can be wrong now and then.

They awarded a prize to one of the guys
Who seemed to have aged the least.
Another was given, to the grad who had driven
The furthest to attend the feast.

They took a class picture, a curious mixture,
Of beehives, crew cuts and wide ties.
Tall, short, or skinny, the style was the mini,
You never saw so many fat thighs.

At our next get-together, no one cared whether
They impressed their classmates or not.
The mood was informal, a whole lot more normal,
By this time we'd all gone to pot.

It was held out-of-doors , at the lake shores,
We ate hamburgers, coleslaw, and beans.
Then most of us lay around in the shade,
In our comfortable T-shirts and jeans.

By the fortieth year, it was abundantly clear,
We were definitely over the hill.
Those who weren't dead had to crawl out of bed,
And be home in time for their pill.

And now I can't wait as they've set the date,
Our sixtieth is coming, I'm told.
It should be a ball, they've rented a hall
At the Shady Rest Home for the old.

Repairs have been made on my old hearing aid,
My pacemaker's been turned up on high.
My wheelchair is oiled, and my teeth have been boiled,
And I've bought a new wig and glass eye.

I'm feeling quite hearty; I'm ready to party,
I'll dance until dawn's early light.
It'll be lots of fun, and I hope at least one.. ...
Other person can make it that night.

She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful
eyes of her young granddaughter as she'd done many times before.
After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said
"But Gramma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!"

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My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday.
He asked me how old I was, and I told him, "62." He was quiet for a
moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?

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After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into
old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair.
As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious,
her patience grew thin. At last she threw a towel around her head
and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern
warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say
with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"

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A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own
childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a
swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We
rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The
little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure
wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

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My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma,
do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my
halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?" "You're both old," he
replied.

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A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word
processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?"
he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."

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I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so
I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what
color it was. She would tell me, and always she was correct.
But it was fun for me, so I continued. At last she headed for the
door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out
some of these yourself."

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My 3-year-old granddaughter and I were studying the world globe,
and finding different points of interest. I pointed to the ocean and
asked her what that was. She was hesitant to answer, so I said,
"that's the ocean." Whereupon she said, "Very good!"

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When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept
the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky
insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before
I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are
coming after us with flashlights."

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When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied,
"I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandma," he advised.
"Mine says I'm 4 to 6."

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A second grader came home from school and said to her
grand mother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make
babies today." The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried
to keep her cool. "That's interesting," she said, "How do you make
babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and
add 'es'"

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Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant,"
said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the
ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him.
"Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked. Yes," said the
young boy confidently. "It means carrying a child. "

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A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids
home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front
seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started
discussing the dog's duties. They use him to keep crowds back,"
said one youngster. "No, said another, "he's just for good luck." A
third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs",
she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."

Thanks to Gary and Ruth Klingler for the following Food Chart.
Great information to have!